I carry your heart ...

My little sister started at UT this past week.  I'm so thrilled that she's off having her college experience.  My brother decided to stay in town so he's at UH this year.  I am the oldest of four kids but there is a huge gap between my brother and sister and I after my little brother passed away.  I grew up basically an only child until I was 11 when my parents had my brother Kevin. Two years after that Jenny was born.  I remember going off to Baylor and missing my little siblings dearly.  I can still remember my brother and sister sitting by the window waiting for me to come home for the weekend.  

At Jenny's graduation party

We've always been close - no matter how we much we fight or disagree at the end of the day there's nothing I wouldn't do for my brother or my sister.  I don't know if it was because I didn't grow up with brother Dennis, but I sort of envied the relationship between Kevin and Jenny.  Don't get me wrong - not in a bad way but in a "I wish I'd had that too" way but I also think it made me appreciate them that much more.  When I was hospitalized before Kayla's birth, Kevin and Jenny were there every day visiting me and checking up on me.  When Kayla arrived ahead of schedule and I was discharged, Kevin and Jenny made sure to visit her with me and helped take care of me while I recovered from my c-section.  I sometimes felt more like their parents than their sister when I had to lecture them about something and felt proud that they were comfortable enough with me to come to me with problems or when they wanted me to buy them something! :)

So, I knew this day was coming but I still felt unprepared for Jenny to leave.  Who was I going to have my Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings marathons with now?  Is this what empty nest syndrome feels like?  If it is, I guess I'll have a leg up on parents when Kayla goes off to college.  I know she's just few hours away and I can only imagine this is how they felt when I moved out after I got married.   Still, I feel like a little piece of me is missing.  I'll leave you with a poem by EE Cummings.  If you've seen In Her Shoes, you'll recognize it.  I think it summarizes my relationship with Jenny and Kevin perfectly.  

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) 

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) 

i want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

I love you Jenny!  I hope you have a wonderful year at UT.  I'm very proud of you.